Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.

There once was a 94 year old nun whose wornout body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her tenseness. However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As the several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom... "Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"